How can I help my baby fall asleep?

There Was No Pink Cloud At First
Laura (32) is the mother of 12-week-old Bowie. She shares her experience of the first nights in the hospital after giving birth, her struggles with sleep, unsolicited advice, and outdated views on baby sleep.

Sleep... oh boy.
A topic I Googled endlessly! Searches like “my baby sleeps restlessly”, “short naps baby”, or “baby routine 2 months”. I follow several sleep coaches on Instagram, both Dutch and American. You can literally get lost in it! So many different opinions, so many approaches. It drives you crazy! Not to mention all the forums I scoured for stories from other parents.

A Rough Start
The sleep issues started right after birth. Bowie was born after three full days of induction: pills, contractions, storms of contractions, an epidural—you name it. In the end, she was born via emergency C-section. She was completely stuck, and they had to open me up even more to get her out. I was completely exhausted—like most women after birth. The first nights in the hospital, I couldn't sleep. I was still full of adrenaline and trying to process everything. But I didn’t really have the space to, because… hello, I had a baby! I was hyper-focused on her. Every sound she made had me on edge. Same with my partner Arnoud. We didn’t sleep, and neither did she. The nurses eventually took her for a bit so we could rest—and guess what? She slept too!

The hospital was very focused on breastfeeding. I lost 1.5 liters of blood and my milk just wasn’t coming in. Supplementing with formula wasn’t considered the first night. But Bowie was a big baby and she was hungry! Of course, that didn’t help with sleep. But as new parents, you trust the experts. Luckily, she got some bottles later on.

Old-Fashioned Advice
Once the maternity nurse left, the local child health center took over. They give good advice, generally speaking. But when it comes to sleep, their views feel really old-fashioned. Bowie slept in her bassinet at night, in our room. We put her down asleep, and she would sleep between feeds. Perfect! But they told us to put her to bed at 7 pm and let her cry for 5 minutes if she didn’t fall asleep. I couldn’t do that. I rocked her to sleep, stayed with her until she dozed off. It took many evenings—but now she sleeps beautifully!

Daytime was another story. She slept on me, on her dad, or in the playpen. Again, we were told to put her in her bed and let her cry—even when she was just 4–5 weeks old! Sorry, but no. I find that outdated, and I don't believe it leads to a happier baby.

A Small Leap Forward
I also put pressure on myself. I kept thinking: “When I go back to work, there needs to be a rhythm.” She definitely sensed that. When I shared this with other moms, they all said the same: “Don’t stress. Try the bassinet, and if it doesn’t work, hold her. As long as she sleeps!” Still, the center kept recommending crying it out. Honestly, I now just tell them things are going fine—and follow my own path. I try every nap in her bassinet (still in our bedroom). Sometimes she only sleeps for 30 minutes. Then I take her with me—and she’ll sleep another 2–3 hours.

Finally a Rhythm
Now that Bowie is 12 weeks old, we’re finding a rhythm. I can tell she gets sleepy about 1.5 hours after feeding. I change her diaper, put on a song, rock her almost to sleep, and lay her down. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. At daycare, she can fall asleep on her own—not for long, but she’s learning.

Letting Go
I’ve let go of the pressure. The rhythm will come. I’ve read some great articles about how crying it out doesn’t work and can even have long-term effects. It definitely doesn’t work for my daughter. Of course, I don’t rush to her for every little whimper. But real crying? Not for my baby.

Trust Your Gut
To all the moms out there: It’s a cliché for a reason—trust your motherly instinct! It’s so true. Every baby is different, and you know yours best. I’ve decided that if by 6 months she still doesn’t sleep alone in her own bed, I’ll consider a gentle sleep coach. Until then, I’m trusting my instincts—and I know it’ll all be okay.

📸 Instagram tip: @thenewsleepcoach