The Life of a Young Mother

Kyara (21) lives in Almere and is the mother of daughter Vajèn (4 months). She became a young mother and had her entire birth at home. Besides young motherhood, she studies full-time for a Bachelor’s degree in Nursing (HBO-Verpleegkunde) and also works. In this blog, Kyara shares her birth story and how she combines young motherhood with studying and working. Curious about Kyara’s story? Read on!

Before I start telling, it’s helpful to know the situation we all live in:
My boyfriend, our daughter Vajèn, and I live together with my mother, her boyfriend, and my two little brothers. Due to the dramatic housing market, we currently have no other option, and that’s totally fine. We all get along very well here, and everyone enjoys having the sweet little girl in our midst. Meanwhile, we’re saving up for our own home! But anyway: let’s get to the point!

Water Breaking
It was Saturday, February 16, 2022, around nine o’clock in the evening, and I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I wanted to take a shower, so I went to the toilet and then upstairs. Once in the bedroom, I was chatting with my boyfriend when I suddenly felt something dripping down my leg. At first, I thought it was just some urine leakage because my baby was kicking hard against my bladder. I went to the bathroom upstairs just to check, and then… POP! My waters broke. After my mother checked to be sure it was really amniotic fluid, she called the midwife. The midwife arrived around 9:30 pm, confirmed the fluid, checked if our daughter had dropped, and then left.

Contractions
That same evening, there was a party with loud music in our courtyard. At midnight, the music finally got quieter, and we decided to try to sleep. Spoiler alert: I hardly got any sleep. About half an hour later, my contractions started. They were strong and constant right from the beginning. I got under the warm shower to handle the contractions, and my mother called the midwife again: we had to wait and see. I kept going between the shower and bed when I felt dizzy, completely focused on the contractions, and everyone else just did what they had to do: leave me alone as much as possible.

Around 1 am, my mother called the midwife again to say the contractions had become even stronger and were still very constant. She came back around 1:30 am. I was still in the shower, concentrating hard on the contractions. The midwife stayed with us for quite a while and checked my dilation for the first time around 3 am—I was at 3 cm. An hour later, she checked again: 4 cm dilation. She told us that after reaching 4 cm, she would come back after about two hours.

Contraction Storm
When the midwife left, I entered a contraction storm. One contraction after another with no break at all. But I absolutely didn’t want to go to the hospital, so I kept going. Around 5:45 am, she returned. We all expected I’d be at around 6 cm dilation, but no! I had gone from 4 to 9 cm in two hours! This news was a huge relief—it meant I was almost ready to start pushing!

The Birth
The midwife quickly called the maternity nurse and prepared everything needed for the final stage. The sweet maternity nurse arrived just in time because my first pushing contraction started then. The first two or three pushing contractions felt strange—I barely felt anything was happening—but soon I could feel the head! My mother and boyfriend could peek now and then and saw she already had some hair on her little head (which didn’t feel like it at all, haha!). At 7:25 am, after just over 6 hours of dilation contractions and 40 minutes of pushing, she was finally here! Our beautiful little girl Vajèn Marley. Looking back, I truly had a dream birth—completely at home and with my own strength—though I couldn’t have done it without the most loving mother and boyfriend!

Motherhood, Work, and Study
By now, I’ve been going to school full-time for a few weeks and have also started working Fridays and Saturdays. I miss my little girl so much on those days! Together with my mother, after a long final internship day in a care home, I secretly took a pregnancy test in the bathroom on Monday, June 21, 2021. I think I’d never seen such a positive test in my life. My mother immediately said we should stay with her for a while, and we’re both very happy about that. It’s cozy living here, and I’m able to finish my studies. When my boyfriend works and I have school or work, my mother looks after Vajèn. If she has to work, my father (they are divorced) comes from his own house to help.

Without all these loving people around us, I definitely would have had to quit my Nursing studies, and that would have been such a shame! I can also keep a job this way and earn extra income besides my boyfriend’s salary. That way, we can also save for our own home! We’re very blessed with such loving people around us, and I’m grateful every minute of the day. I also realize that everyone’s situation is different and not everyone is so lucky to have such people around, but remember one thing very well: You Got This! Everything will work out in the end.

Much love,
Kyara